Resilient!

Pain – worse than any I’ve experienced before,

Hurt – Not just the body but the soul,

And yet I’m not going to give in,

I know they can’t win as long as I hold on,

I won’t let them have the satisfaction they seek.

They can break my body and use it as they will,

But my soul? They’ll never be able to break it.

I won’t let them have the pleasure of hearing me scream,

I’ll hold on – right till the end,

And then when they think they’ve won,

I’ll be there – my unbroken spirit,

A blatant reminder of their defeat.

Lifeless

Alone – I’ve never been so alone,

And yet I don’t wish to see another human being again.

Lost inside myself, I can’t see the path,

But I don’t even wish to go back – not ever.

It’s dark - frighteningly so,

But after what I've endured the dark is the least of the horrors.

I've embraced the dark coz light holds just pain,

Continuous and never-ending, an endless torrent.

I feel the groping hands, but I push the memory away,

No – I do not wish to think,

The memory – I wish it would go away,

The leering faces, those bumbling hands,

Block it out, it’s worse than the pain,

The pain I can bear – the broken body too,

But what do I do about my soul,

That is ravaged beyond description,

There is no healing, no hope,

I’m not myself, they took away my identity,

I just watched helplessly,

From somewhere inside me,

I watched as they abused a body again and again,

Kicked, scratched and made it bleed,

But the body lay lifeless,

Coz of course, that was me and I was not in there anymore,

That was me and yet not me,

Who am I? I’ve lost my identity.

I’m lost and I can’t see,

But I don’t want to see ever again,

That scene plays in my mind endlessly,

I wait for the release, but death does not come,

Why oh why? Am I to be tormented so?

Kill me, do not keep me alive – because I’m already dead,

And it would be a mercy.

Just another Girl

She lies there, the one who once used to be,

Lively, vibrant, full of energy,

Now quiet for the first time ever,

With no visible activity whatsoever.

There was a time, she laughed and she played,

When she was the source of joy and mirth.

But now, her body lies lifeless.

She harboured hurts – bottled up the pain,

No one realized that she laughed in vain.

She wasn't happy, it was just a show.

That she put on for the rest of the world.

Coz no one wanted to just know.

They were happy with the false reassurances

Coz that is what they expected and got,

Why look beneath the surface, when truth scares them all.

So she put on her “Smile” and went out to socialize,

Never once letting her real pain show

Beneath the delicate mask.

But now that she is gone, everyone wonders,

If there was anything they could have done.

But the moment that thought comes up,

They quell it immediately,          

Coz who cares – she was just another girl.

And that is what I am scared of –

Of becoming just another girl,

So I stay way and be my own person.

I don’t want you to appreciate or approve,

I wanna be myself and to hell with you all.

Independence Day

Rejoice, reclaim and sing today,

oh, 'tis the independence day.

The flag flies high,

heads held higher.

A happy note rebounds through the foyer.

Children with their tinkling laughs,

celebrating the day we became free.

Tis an opportune moment for our country.

But wait, do we know what we are celebrating,

the price of this freedom was paid in blood,

Oh yes, they were not celebrating then, tears fed the growing flood.

Thousands died, this opportune day,

whose memories in dusty history books do lay.

How can we forget a sacrifice of such magnitude?

Why are we wasting it all in our ingratitude?

They fought and they died for us,

for a golden future, not for a nation gathering dust.

How can we relax and enjoy,

while the pulsing heart of our country cracks like a toy.

We are not free, and will never be,

not until we realise that this freedom isn't free,

we owe it to those unsung heroes,

to realise their dreams and raise our nation to amazing heights after all the lows.

It is our responsibility, our ancestors, our country,

let us pledge today to honour their memory.

Trapped

I bang on the iron bars, Let me out!

I’m not made for this cage,

Give me my freedom, I shout.

But there is no one to hear me for miles,

I’m all alone…trapped and bound.

My frantic gaze looks for a way out,

Alas, there is none, a voice does announce.

I look towards the source of the sound,

And behold an old man, a few feet from the ground.

What sort of dream is this? I ask,

Who are you and why do you float so?

Oh lovely maiden, you know me well,

It is by my command that you are so leashed,

For I loathe maidens who try to be bold,

Now you try and break free….

And he vanished on this sinister note.

For naught did I shout, at least tell me who you are,

Free me….why have you tied me in chains?

Only a booming laughter answered my plea,

But after a minute, I did get a repartee,

It is I - fear, impertinent fool, you created me,

You gave me the power I posses and you freed me to bind you,

Now these bonds, you cannot escape as they are not of my making,

They are yours and you cannot break them,

It is your fear  that keeps you trapped, dearie.

Give up, let the flame extinguish! You have lost,

You thought no other could defeat you,

And how right you were.. as your defeat,

Was written by your own hands.

Thy enemy is as strong as thee, tis, of your creation,

Proud fool, you did not realize the power you held

And now you are a slave to yourself.

No, this cannot be. But my frantic cries had no effect,

How do I fight a monster in my head?

I lay down, but could not rest,

Lurid phantoms plagued my thoughts.

Yes. I was proud, but now I’m only a shell,

All my glory..It just fell…

How do I conquer myself?

Maybe one day I will and die a free woman,

but till then I am trapped in a cage of my own creation.

I just wanna Run

Late at night, when I can't sleep,
what is it that makes me wanna weep?
I just feel like running away,
so far, that I even forget my way.
Away from everything and everyone,
I just wanna run, run and run.
Every memory, I wish to leave behind,
each and every person, kind or unkind.
I don't wanna think, just run,
away from everything and everyone.
Restless of this dreary existence,
why am I alive? It just doesn't make sense.
I wish I could run far away,
to escape all that the voices in my head have to say.
I wanna leave behind my life,
I would just run, run and run if I had the choice.

The Poor Girl

A little girl dressed all in rags,
Came and stood by my bags.
When I raised an enquiring glance,
Asking for money was her only stance. 
She stood there, the poor girl,
I couldn't imagine why in the world.
Waiting with an extended hand,
and looking at me with a beseeching glance.
Was she destined to be a beggar ever since she was born?
What was it that made her so forlorn?
She looked fine by all means,
Only poverty was what brought her to ruins.
I contemplated giving her money once,
But wouldn't it spoil the little one?
At an age when she should play and learn rhymes, 
Here was this girl, striving to survive at all times.
But I couldn't imagine how to help her,
Her beseeching eyes asking for anything i could lend her.
But my selfish attitude held me back,
until it was too late to call her back.

The Game

He touched her and it felt wrong,

But he said it's a game and because she didn't know better she went along.

Young and naive, oh how stupid she was,

He told her she should do whatever he wants or it'd be her loss.

And she believed him because she'd been taught to do so,

Listen to her elders and just follow.

Oh yes, she hesitated, she was scared,

But that jerk told her, if she didn't do whatever he said,

A huge sword will cut her into two,

Because that's what happens to those who break the game's rule.

Her little imagination filled colors into his story,

Until she was sure that if she told anyone, she'd be sorry.

He made her believe that it's just a game and she's having fun,

But she'd be dead if she told anyone.

How was she to know that it shouldn't be done?

His touch was creepy, his touch was bad,

She hated it when he told her to sit in his lap.

She just didn't realise that she was the board,

On which he played his stupid game and yes, he scored.

Monsters

Monsters, those on the outside and those inside,

Who do I fear more, the ones that I can or can't brush aside?

The ones that are outside, try their best to hurt me,

Every moment they think of ways to make me unhappy.

But these are the ones whom I can ignore,

They’re petty and they don't matter no more.

But what about my own monsters, that are in my head,

Whose efforts I cannot foil the ones who always think ahead?

They tell me I'm useless, a waste of space,

They tell me people hate me and my face.

And there's nothing I can say that’ll make them shut up,

Coz somewhere deep inside I know they are right and it's not a bluff.

No matter how many times I tell myself otherwise,

They always come and taunt me in a different guise.

They tell me to even stop trying when it's of no use,

Just end my life and put an end to this abuse.

They say it'll be easy, it won't hurt,

All you need is a blade and just one cut.

Let Me Be

Why can't I hate you? Oh why not?
When I so badly want to do so with all I've got.
Why do you intrude upon my thoughts, when you're not a part of my life anymore?
Just stay away, why can't you stay behind the closed door?
I try - trust me, it isn't due to lack of trying,
but no matter what I do, I just end up crying.
For all that was and will never be,
For the I and you that is today, that used to be we.
No, I don't want to be with you,
I know I'll never again be able to.
Then why do I crave all our talks?
Why do I miss our fights and the makeup walks?
I don't want to; trust me I don't,
but my heart? It just won't let me forget you - it won't.
What do I do, to get over you?
So that you just become a name in my past, a person i knew?
How do I stop my heart from skipping a beat,
Every time I hear your name, as if it's a treat.
How do I stop my breath from getting fast,
Every time I remember the moments that didn't last?
After what you did to me, I should hate you,
then why are you still so innocent in my view?
My heart is shattered, the broken pieces still inside,
every time I breathe, the pain makes their presence known alright.
I don't want you in my life, why don't you get lost?
Tell me what do I do, let me know what'll it cost?
Can I bleed your memories away;
will you leave with the blood and not stay?
If it's only death that'll do us apart,
just promise me one thing before I depart.
Do me a favour and go away from my thoughts before my death,
Coz I don't want to die with your name on my breath.

Lonely

Lonely paths, lonely days,
Now that we've decided to go our different ways,
I miss those times when we talked long into the night,
those senseless talks, those silly fights,
But that day you changed it all,
Where did you go? Where are those days?
When your voice brightened my days like the sun's rays.
The comfortable silences, the heart to hearts.
I miss the times when you claimed your love for me was off the charts.
I know i told you to go,
Couldn't you turn back even once and see,
that i needed you bad?
But you found someone to replace me so fast,
I wonder, if our love was even meant to last.
How could you forget all those times,
the dumb games, the stupid rhymes?
I know i shouldn't say this when i was the one who pushed you away,
But now i wonder if you just didn't wanna stay.
Do you call her princess and write poems for her?
Do you tell her that you love her laughter?
Do you even think of me sometimes?
Or were you just pretending all those times?
Yes, i told you that you're free to choose,
that I'm strong enough no matter who i lose.
But i thought you knew, that you are my strength,
to be with you I'd go to any length.
I just wanted to do the right thing,
but i didn't realize that you'll forget me in a blink.
I pretended to be strong for you, so that you wouldn't regret your choice,
yet i hoped against hope that you'd hear the pain in my voice.
But you walked on and didn't even look back,
And I'm still here pretending that there isn't anything i lack.

Delusions

Deluded people living deluded lives,
and they think they know what pain is.
Taking about suicide as if it's just a word,
and they think they know what death is.
They don't know how hard it is to sleep at night,
when someone you love has just died.
Not because they couldn't help it,
but because they were not brave enough to face it.
And the pain they can't bear? - a blasphemy.
It isn't even a fraction of what their mothers underwent,
just to bring them into this world - to give them life.
Imagine her plight for her dead child.
They think they know what pain is,
Go ask the father whose son has died.
What have they seen? What have they suffered?
These deluded people, living deluded lives,
die a deluded death, never having known the worth of life.

Through the mind's eye

I close my eyes and I hear a sound,
Running water, joyful and unbound.
Leaping and roaring, swirling and swishing,
Loud slaps of waves crashing.
But the chaos yet fuels peace within me,
As I close my eyes and let my mind see.
Past the horizon, beyond the mundane,
My mind wanders off as I hear the sound of the rain.
Pitter patter of raindrops on the window sill,
Exuding calm as I stand still.
The raindrops purge the earth and all within,
Washing away my wrongs and my sins.
And I envision dew drops, sparkling and profound,
As they fall from blades of grass, purifying the ground.
And I find that sheer joy I can’t deny
Myself to feel through my mind’s eye.
And I can hear the wind howling through the trees,
Taking with it the seeds and the leaves,
It blows away the unwanted burden,
And yet, at the same time carries the pioneers of a new generation.
The wind of change does seem to blow,
As I close my eyes, beautiful sights through my mind do flow.
The wind flows in an endless stream,
As if a part of a lively, dazzling dream.
It ruffles the feathers of the birds flying high,
The feel of freedom none other can satisfy.
A dazzle of colour, gray, green and blue,
Circling and singing a melodious hue.
And my mind is held in the most beautiful trance,
As it sees colour and music, hand I hand dance
And such are the birds that sail the air free,
That in my mind’s eye I vividly see…
And far off, I hear the fain song of a bird,
Ecstatic that the sun is now peeping at the world.
The first rays pierce through the darkness to reach the earth,
Lighting up a vibrant world, increasing its worth.
I can hear the pigeons cooing and the monkeys chattering,
Each one expectant and eager for a new beginning.
And a benevolent sun does smile down upon us,
Through my mind’s eye I can see him relish the early morning rush.
And through my mind’s eye, I witness time pass by,
As the sun hides his head under the blanket of his great bed.
And like the mice who play while the cat is away,
The moon peeps over the dark forlorn cloud
And invites a din magnificent and loud,
Of hidden creatures, loyal to the dark,
But beautiful and graceful like the singing lark.
With their voice like melody, they dance and fly,
This is what I see through my mind’s eye.
Animals of prey gear up for the hunt,
They move about stealthily, nighttime has begun.
An eerie silence reigns all around,
Such peace is very difficult to be found.
And again time flies as if on wings,
And the sun rises once more to brighten up things.
It seta again making way for the night,
My mind’s eye has shown me the most wonderful sight.

The night she died

Murder was in his gaze,
As he seized her and slapped her face.
She knew then, she had to fight,
And that was the moment - she died.

He tore her clothes and scratched her arms,
but there was nobody to raise an alarm,
She tried to hold him back but he just pushed her aside,
And the second time that night - she died.

She did not even raise her voice,
But that animal, he left her no choice,
It killed her to do so, but she defied,
And a thousand times that night - she died.

When she begged him to kill her and he roared,
She couldn't hold it together anymore,
Her soul withered, she broke down and cried,
Coz that night along with her husband - she too died!!!

The endless night

After every morning there is a night,
Long, unending and a disappointment outright;
The last rays of the sun are peeping through,
And you long to cherish each and every hue;
But now, it won’t be long
For the light to disappear and darkness will come along.
Fiery…impossible to penetrate,
You can cry and despair all you want;
But of no use will be your rant.
It’ll torture, traumatize and make you suffer every instant.
And all the aids you have are just too blunt,
To pierce the darkness and set your soul free.
And yet you can’t stop and grieve.
All is dark; it’s impossible to see,
Where you are heading or what lies ahead,
You have to live with it and go on until you drop dead.

Unrequited

All the while you've been here,
there's been someone who was there,
to listen with bated breath, and hang on to each word of yours,
you might not have noticed but somebody cared of course.
Content to listen to whatever you might have to say,
cherishing each and every word that came her way.
On her every heartbeat your name was etched,
but happiness was not destined for the poor wretch.
She wanted you with every shard of her being,
without you, existence for her had no meaning.
But before she could fly fate chopped her wings,
and left her a shattered mess, the poor thing.

The Dove

The soaring sky beheld a sight,
Far above any mortal's might.
In the blue expanse stretching above,
I sighted a sweet little dove.
Symbol of peace flying carefree,
Perching from tree to tree.
There it was, spreading the message of love,
In this unruly world the sweet little dove.
Its fearless flight spoke louder than words,
That wars and violence are absurd.
It loved its freedom far above,
And tried to guard it, the sweet little dove.
Soon it disappeared from sight,
Gone someplace else to stop a fight.
Mankind might not heed its message of love,
But it didn't give up, the sweet little dove.

Repercussions

A young boy who’d been told often enough of the virtues of honesty,
Resolved to tread the same path even in difficulty.

He decided he’d never tell lie nor steal things,
Love all those around him, be they paupers or kings.

He knew the path he’d chosen was going to be tough,
And the journey he had initiated was going to be rough.

But his resolve was firm and his mind was set,
He wanted to find the truth in the advice that he’d never forget.

Saying so, he walked forth, never to turn back again,
To bear all that befell, sunshine or rain.

But how was he to know of the hardships to come,
For advices are not to be followed, only to be given by some.

The very next day at school, the teacher asked him a question he didn’t know,
He refused to cheat, even when proffered to so.

So he was beaten by his teacher for his ignorance,
But he bore his first reward of honesty with forbearance.

And later in the day when his teacher asked him if he had taught well,
He replied honestly, that he thought it was worse than hell.

The teacher was infuriated by his remark hence,
And he was beaten again for his insolence.

He uttered not a cry nor did he complain,
The path of righteousness was difficult to him it was plain.

When back at home his mother asked him how he’d fared at school that day,
His honest reply infuriated her straightaway.

So he was beaten once again,
The poor boy, his honesty did not go in vain.

And then, while playing his team decided to cheat,
But he was honest enough to point it out to the kids across the street.

Furious now his teammates told him to quit the field,
From their wrath, his honesty did not shield.

But the poor fellow bore it with courage and goodwill,
It was a small price for honesty, he decided still.

And when in the evening, he had guests at his place,
He honestly told them they’re a great nuisance on their face.

This remark annoyed his father no end,
And the poor fellow was grounded for the weekend.

All his agonies made him realize with tact,
That advices look good only in books is a fact.