Lifeless

Alone – I’ve never been so alone,

And yet I don’t wish to see another human being again.

Lost inside myself, I can’t see the path,

But I don’t even wish to go back – not ever.

It’s dark - frighteningly so,

But after what I've endured the dark is the least of the horrors.

I've embraced the dark coz light holds just pain,

Continuous and never-ending, an endless torrent.

I feel the groping hands, but I push the memory away,

No – I do not wish to think,

The memory – I wish it would go away,

The leering faces, those bumbling hands,

Block it out, it’s worse than the pain,

The pain I can bear – the broken body too,

But what do I do about my soul,

That is ravaged beyond description,

There is no healing, no hope,

I’m not myself, they took away my identity,

I just watched helplessly,

From somewhere inside me,

I watched as they abused a body again and again,

Kicked, scratched and made it bleed,

But the body lay lifeless,

Coz of course, that was me and I was not in there anymore,

That was me and yet not me,

Who am I? I’ve lost my identity.

I’m lost and I can’t see,

But I don’t want to see ever again,

That scene plays in my mind endlessly,

I wait for the release, but death does not come,

Why oh why? Am I to be tormented so?

Kill me, do not keep me alive – because I’m already dead,

And it would be a mercy.